well today i took my second driving test. the first one was back in april and had taken 18 paid lessons with b by that time. in between that test and today i took 9 paid lessons with d. paid b $470+$480, paid d $500 , paid $71 for second driving test, $68 for first driving test, & $19 for the theory test. a total of over $1600 (~MRf 17,000) money wise, 29 hours spent on the road behind the wheel, countless hours of anxious trepidations, countless hours of day dreaming, countless hours of car drooling and here i am.
what do i have to show for all of that? definitely not a driver’s license!!! am i angry? am i disappointed? am i sad? …
i don’t know. i don’t know what i feel. i like to believe that i am content with the outcome. that’s what i am telling myself and my husband and friends and whoever asks. but am i content with it? of course i am not. i wanted to get the licence badly. i wanted to have the authority to sit behind a wheel and enjoy a ride on my own without watchful eyes criticising my moves.
i want to drive on the endless roads with the windows down to let the cool air caress my face and the wind to play the music of nature. to see the unseen land of perth. i want to own that little red fiat, or ferrari, or ford, or whatever as long as it is small and red, or even pale pink. i want to be able to go from point a to b without having to wait for the god damn bus. i want to be independent. i want to be me. i want to control my time instead of time controlling me. or the bus controlling me and my moves. i am disappointed. i am in mourning for the confirmed loss of my independence .
but yet, i am content with the result. the outcome of the test. really i am. i mean i sort of expected the failure. i am not good at doing things when someone’s looking over my back. i am confident that i can drive. i have been confident for a while. but i never have been confident that i can pass the test. and i did not. it is as simple as that. i was a jumble of nerves. more on this second attempt as i had a failure under my belt to think about.
now what?!! i give up. for the time being at least. i need to get my concentration back on my studies. i have already taken (i would hate to say wasted) time away from studies. i don’t consider it a waste because i have grown through this experience. this has been a learning journey for me. through this i have learned how fulfilling and enjoyable driving is. i have also learned that those people behind the wheels have worked for it and earned it. my respect for them has increased. i have an emphathy for those who aspire to get their license. who spend money on driving lessons.
it’s time to move on. this is one journey that i have to end for the time being. i will definitely take it up when i am done with my studies and back in maldives. for now, i say bye for driving. i have loved every minute behind the wheel.