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blogiary, culture, dismal, Domestic worker, domestic workers in Maldives, foreign domestic maid, housemaid, Human Right, Human Rights and Liberties, hypicrites, intolerance, maldives, Maldives domestic workers, moods, ramblings, religion, viewpoint
Image taken from Dhivehi Observer
Today I welcome a new housemaid into our home.
She will live with us, eat with us, and be with us;
for the next year we are the family she gets.
I received her at the airport on behalf of the rest of the extended family.
She comes out of the arrival terminal, eyes looking here and there.
I hold a sheet with her name,
but knew very well that she cannot read the English letters.
I did not have a photo of her,
but had seen a black & white fuzzy image of her passport photo
over a month ago; the one she faxed over for the visa processes.
I waited and watched,
looking at all the faces to try to zero on the one I wanted.
Some come out and pause, looking around the faces;
some looks at the name cards first and then only at the faces.
It was fascinating standing there watching all the stories unfold.
Some of them got a handshake, some got a kiss on the cheek,
some just a silent acknowledgement,
and yet some were engulfed in cheerful hugs.
So many stories that thirty minutes can tell.
Back to my story.
She came out, paused … a confused look I can see,
and I knew in my gut it was her. I held the name card a bit out,
and also said her name out loud.
It was her. She was still a bit flushed.
A man, another foreigner, showed her the name card I held.
I guessed she must have asked him for help.
At that point, they parted ways as strangers.
I checked her passport for the name, to be sure.
and we headed homeward.
Me in my locally approved shirt top, jeans and headscarf.
She in her sari.
We embark the ferry heading to Male’ City.
The ferry was a bit full but with ample space if people just nudged.
Nobody moves an inch and I had to ask
“could you please give me some space!”
The same, I had to do for her.
Maldivians, most of them [most of us] are just so indifferent!
Back to my story…
I am sitting on the bench behind her, that’s the only space I got.
And I can see and sense her fidgeting, with nerves.
All around her there were no “saris“.
Most had themselves covered from head to toe
the rest had covered themselves from neck to at least mid-calf
In no time she adjusted her choli to cover her midriff.
And it hit me hard.
This will be the last time she wears her sari for the next whole year.
We ask them to come to help us out;
to look after our kids, our homes.
They come leaving everything behind -
their kids, their families, their way of life.
That’s not all!
we deprive them of their choice of dress;
we dictate everything and they humbly oblige.
They need the money;
What they make here as a domestic worker, as a maid
is ‘rich’ enough for them back home.
They earn and send it directly to family.
And what do we do?
- “You can’t wear sari in this house.”
We give them a half a dozen dresses that will cover them shoulder to foot
and at least a quarter of the arm.
- “You can’t praise your God, you can’t pray in the open. you can’t display your God.”
We at some point also go as far as mocking their idols, their Gods!
- We say to them, “no friends can visit you here.
No going out on your whim.”
We allow them only about 6 hours of outing time a week.
- We deprive them of their Diwali, Christmas, Raksha-Bandan, Holi,
and any other days and festivals special to their hearts.
“Do whatever you want with your time that you get once a week each Friday.”
But you see, when we go overseas,
when we go to another land, we demand!
We demand to be able to mark our special days.
We demand to have freedom in how we dress.
We demand to be respected for our faith.
What is this? Is this not hypocrisy?
Human rights, human values, human dignity –
are these concepts applicable only to a certain group or groups?
I can only be thankful that there is no serious abuse cases.
But that is not enough. Human dignity need to be assured.
Human freedom of their thought also need to be assured.
I treated one of our earlier maids on Christmas;
that was her faith; she, just a teenager of seventeen.
I sensed how alone and forlorn she must be,
to be away from her loved ones and her festive atmosphere back home,
no matter how poor they must be!
I was ostracized for my act. I was ridiculed… by my brood!
========================================
P.S. Scribbled 25 February 2012
An awesome work of art you have here, thanks for sharing and do continue to allow God to use you to manifest the reality that you desire each day of your life.
thanks for the visit and the comment.
welcome to my space
This lady has fewer choices than you do, Amira, because that is the way of the world – it is a very unfair place. The irony is that she has “chosen” to come and work under these conditions because she has little choice, so if you did not employ her, she would find somebody else to do so because she needs the employment. The conditions that she has to abide by, as out of step as they are with her culture, are for her own safety in a foreign place. It is terribly unfair, but if you treat her with dignity on a one-to-one basis, as no doubt you will, you are making the best of an unfair situation.
bluebee, that’s a nice way to look at the situation.
She has ‘chosen” to come and work under that condition.
she has a choice. that is good.
But some employers just go to too much of an extent of showing an attitude.
Scolding and passing demeaning comments I have heard many.
I try my best… and hope that I am doing enough …
thank you for taking time to leaving such a lovely meaningful comment here
much appreciated
Amira,
What good questions you raise. Your last lines say it all. Human dignity and freedom of thought need to be assured and preserved.
I know you are a caring person who will make the worker in your home feel human and cared for.
If it is dangerous for foreign workers to have freedom of thought in public (for I do not know), perhaps you can be a listener, and that would connect two worlds, as well as two people.
Showing her you respect her world, her beliefs, gives her a feeling of belonging. And isn’t that all any of us want?
I do listen Judy. and I talk as much as I can with the language barrier and all it’s not always easy. But it is fascinating to hear their stories. of their children and family left behind. and my little gestures are received by them so humbly and with such a thankful heart that it makes me feel sorry all over again.
just a few weeks back, our maid shared a DVD from back home. She had got someone to capture her home, her people, their way of life, on that one DVD and she was so proud showing it off to me. she had a happy smile when I took the time out to sit with her and watch the one hour video. she was explaining to me everything on thescreen all so very excitedly
Amira….I knew you are a great listener. I didn’t mean to sound otherwise. I apologize if I did. I know you as a caring, kind person. That’s why I like you so much!
We are still in touch with our beloved Joy. In fact, I need to write her! Hugs to you, Amira, you’re one of a kind!
I love your story here! It’s a wonderful string of events! How delighted she must feel to have you take an interest in her world. And to take an hour out of your busy schedule to watch a video with her must have made her day. Bless you, Amira. If only others would do the same. Simple things are so easy and so important.
We hired a delightful Jamaican woman to help take care of my mom and my stepdad in Florida, when mom’s Alzheimer’s was getting worse. Joy became a member of our family, in a way. She brought “joy” to my mom and whenever I flew down there, we’d hug and sit down and have a chat. But, my stepsister wasn’t the same. She treated Joy rudely. It broke my heart, Joy and I talked about it and she said: “I have you, your family and your mom..I love you all. I don’t like to, but I can tolerate that other one.”
I felt a bit sad reading this yet knew how true and meaningful your words are… Back sometime I heard a similar story from one of my lecturer and from that day onwards I promised myself that I will treat them as appropriately as possible.
A good post from which people must learn something!
that’s nice to hear Xyn.
If only everyone of us sees the beauty in their religions and their faiths and respect them for their way of life things would be so great.
We don’t have to agree with them. But we can respect them for their thoughts and their beliefs – and keep ours to ourself.
Over the years we have had 4 different people in this household and all of them had left children behind to come and help us. I often times wonder what they must be thinking, taking care of all the children here while their children were home without their mother :’(
My way of thanking them for taking care of my children and my siblings children are just to show them that I appreciate what they do. Whenever they go home, we give them presents for their kids and they beam with such happiness…
but some people are treated so badly …
This is such a heartfelt, powerful piece that touched my heart, Amira. It is really sad what people, especially women from poor backgrounds have to go through not only to care for themselves but for their families. The worst part is that instead of being rewarded and treated kindly for their effort to uplift themselves out of abject poverty, they are almost always punished for it through various forms of abuses! The case of foreign domestic workers or or in general the worldwide mistreatment of maids is something that always makes me bitter about humanity. It is indeed a hypocrisy to demand that my rights be respected, protected, etc, when I myself deny another human being his or her basic rights to be a dignified human being. It disgusts me.
But thank you Amira for bringing this unfortunate case to light. The only way to fight those who abuse other people, besides enacting laws, is to shame them in public, to show them their hypocrisy. The pen is mightier than the sword! So keep at it Amira!
I have so much respect for you! It’s only when those of us who can speak up on behalf of those who cant that change is perhaps possible.
Cheers,
that’s a very beautiful comment mon ami
You’ve got such a beautiful and empathetic heart.
I have so much respect for these people who leave their family behind and come and help people like me to go to work. help people like me to feel liberated. help people like me to materialise our ambitious careers.
I can only be thankful for them — I sit in my AC office and work to my heart’s desires only because our maids are at home looking after the house and looking after our kids (mine and my siblings’)
I pray that their children and family back home appreciate the sacrifices they make.
It pains my heart to know that of what they earn, most don’t get a dime for themselves. It’s gobbled up by the husband back home. or the family back home. by the time they go home after the year is over, there is no money left. And yet, they come back again and keep on breaking their backs working for us — and I presume their family back home is happy and is being sustained by their hardwork. I only have respect for them.
But it pains my heart to see people around me demean them, mock them, and insult them at mundane stuff ….
I try my best, to make my family understand the agony of living away from home. I have lived in faraway lands for extended periods (under better circumstances) and understand the pangs of being homesick … a human is a human …
I admire your courage Amira. As you said elsewhere in your post, simple gestures make a huge difference in someone else’s life that we may take for granted. The reason why people find it easy to mistreat their workers, especially maids, is due to the fact that they feel quite superior to them, and they feel entitled to do whatever the desire against them because they see them not as humans but as their “properties” literally—that’s the best way to describe the reasoning behind all these abuses. I have seen it happening in my own country, and it gets worse when the workers migrate to foreign lands; add racial context as a result of the migration into the equation, the superiority complex that the employers feel grows even bigger.
It is unfortunate that work related abuses occur. Work is work, regardless of its type, it should be valued and the worker should be respected and should be paid his or her due salary, not out of pity but because it is the right thing to do. Just because someone is a domestic worker, a janitor, or a clerk, he or she shouldn’t be pitied or least respected, but instead should be empowered and supported, not only through words but through an increased salary or bonuses, just like it happens in all other jobs. Fairness not only benefits everyone involved but also gives a piece of mind to the one who is embracing it and to the worker a motivation to work hard. Unfortunately, this simple fact is a utopia like situation in most scenarios, including domestic help.
Ah… sometimes when you think about it, it is just pointless because it only depresses you seeing that you can’t really do much about it…. only if you could have the power to change the way things work!
Thank you mon amie for starting such a wonder discussion and for walking the talk. I know you have a busy life, but I really encourage you to start some kind of an advocacy group or a society with other concerned Maldivians in your area to give moral support to the maids, to educate the public about fair treatment and the need to protect and respect the human dignity of their domestic workers wether foreigners or locals, and to serve as an emergency contact if the maids need help or need to report an abuse but are afraid to reach out to the police etc. I don’t know, it’s just an idea … sort of a woman to woman kind of organization… I know you can do it, if not fully participate in it, you can at least initiate it so others, especially student groups can make it their cause. The best way to empower those women is to make them feel that they are not alone that they have people who care about them despite their conditions.
I don’t think I can form a group as such. but that’s a lovely suggestion.
I already work on other voluntary stuff apart from my formal 8 hr job in addition to my mothering “part-time” job
But yes, I am always ready and willing to help anyone in need.
In fact our maid knows I will assist anyone else just like them. There has been two instances in the past, when our maid has asked me to help their friends in need. And I have done as much as I could. It’s helpful that one of my brother is in the immigration department, another in the police, a sister is a nurse … the rest also in various professions. so we have a great support group as it is
I just hope that my people come out of the “indifferent” mode.
I was not doubting you Amira!
But given the network of supportive people you have around you, I just meant that this kind of issue is more effectively dealt with when there is some kind of an umbrella group, in addition to the individual efforts. Ten sticks are stronger together. 
Am positive that there are other Maldivians like you who help the maids and if there is a chance for such a group they mostly likely will get involved. As I said you could just be a spark to start it, you wont necessarily have to get involved in it once established, you can give support in the background. 
… oh well Im sorry, I blabber a lot … i may sound too idealist.
tolerance is hard, and human behavior makes it even more difficult. Demands are made when they can be made, while need takes away all options
ashkitty
that very well summarises the human dilemma.
we try to make the best of our situation, of what we are given.
thanks
First of all, hats off, Amira, for such a daring piece! What a picturesque narration!
I could relate very well. We go through much worse treatment. Now we are used to that and we have learned to hide our identity and merge with the accepted looks, without any complaints. I am not much of a religious person, and so I don’t bother.
thanks Bindu
you are right. people adapt and adjust. It amazes me how quickly they start to blend in. How quickly they pick up our language without any teaching.
How quickly they adjusts their tastebuds. The first day or two they have difficulty adjusting to our food … but they adapt so quickly.
But then again, we adapt when we go overseas too. I let go off my spices when I lived in Oz land. I let go off my fish craze when I lived in the heart of India
The sad part is that, on top of that, on top of all the adaptations they have to make, these foreign domestic workers are insulted and verbally abused. I just want to see people stop that.
I am thankful that I don’t hear of any cases of physical abuse … I only pray that it does not happen even behind closed doors.
Oh my god! You broke my heart!! :’(
A very thought provoking write up you have here!
I adore you for the Christmas gift you got your previous maid! You’re an amazing lady!
Love this post. It touched my heart!
OH APB!!!!
it never was my intention to break your heart
but thanks for the nice words. I did what I felt was what was required of me to make a visitor at my home feel at home
But there is not much that can be done without getting labeled as un-Islamic
I try as much as I possibly can
Reblogged this on A Regular Pakistani Teenager's space and commented:
A must read!!
Pakistani Boy sent me here!
An excellent post, there is no doubt. Cheers.
(I love thought provoking stuff)
thanks APB for reblogging my words on your blog. very humbled by that gesture.
and WordsFalFromMyEyes … thanks for the visit and the lovely comment
Sorry – I realise I didn’t even comment what I felt. I felt you were right to treat humans as humans. We are all humans. Just humans. There is no superiority in reality, only man-made imagination.
I hope, I hope you do not care what your brood says. I truly hope you continue to treat humans as humans.
And one last thing! Thanks for that link on “they”. That was an interesting read too.
thanks dear for the lovely comment.
glad to know people appreciate my effort.
I try and will keep trying
Wonderful to hear, Amira, as so many people cease to continue trying
Everyone before me has said everything I wanted to say. I will simply add ….
well written and insightful for those of us who do not know. Well done, Amira.
thanks Isadora.
The situation just bothers me a lot. Some people just have no compassion towards others’ beliefs and others’ wishes. I can only and and pray that all treat the rest the same as they want to be treated. no matter what religion, what race, what gender, what social group….
My feelings and thought exactly … what a wonderful world that would be????
Namaste …
Great writing style & what a touching piece.
It’s quite hard for many people to tolerate other peoples religion or view point…& this happens in various forms all over the world. It’s unfortunately very selfish – I have always believed that the world does not need more religions, what it needs is an abundance of grace & tolerance. Diversity is the thread that adds rich colour to the fabric of our lives…
Continue to shine your light through your writing Amira.
true Kavi.
it’s unfortunate for the people on the receiving end and very selfish of people who are fortunate enough to be able to get their work done by hired help.
tolerance and humility we all need in abundance.
I pray to God for that
one of your best one’s, Amira. Truly relished this post. Keep penning. Cheers.
thank you Shaheen G.
so glad you enjoyed the post…
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